Neni, Pop Pop, and the Fine Art of Spoiling Grandchildren

By Necia Oliver

There is a magical transformation that happens when a person becomes a grandparent.

The same people who once told us, “No dessert until after dinner,” suddenly become human vending machines dispensing cookies, candy, and ice cream at all hours of the day.

Rules become suggestions.

Bedtimes become negotiations.

Vegetables become optional.

And somehow the phrase, “Don’t tell your mom,” enters the vocabulary.

As grandparents, we love to joke.

“I’m Neni. I can do whatever I want.”

“I’m Pop Pop. That’s my job.”

And honestly? Part of being a grandparent is getting to enjoy the fun side of raising children. We’ve already survived the sleepless nights, the school projects, the teenage years, and the constant worrying that comes with parenthood.

Grandchildren feel like a reward.

A Fine Line

Somewhere between fun and spoiling is a line we don’t always talk about.

A line I learned about the hard way.

Years ago, when my daughter was about two years old, she discovered shrimp.

More specifically, she discovered that she loved shrimp.

At a family dinner, she was sitting on my stepdad’s lap. She asked for shrimp.

He gave her shrimp.

I asked him to stop.

He gave her more shrimp.

I explained she was going to get sick.

He gave her more shrimp.

She smiled.

He smiled.

I glared.

The cycle continued.

Then, in the middle of dinner, with the entire family seated around the table, we heard a sound.

Not just a sound.

A warning.

The unmistakable sound of a diaper being filled beyond its structural capabilities.

Within moments, my daughter, my stepdad, a dining chair, and a treasured antique rug became casualties of what can only be described as The Great Shrimp Incident of 1994.

Dinner ended.

Baths were administered.

Showers were taken.

Professional cleaning was eventually required.

And my stepdad learned a lesson every grandparent eventually learns:

Sometimes parents have rules for a reason.

The funny thing is, he wasn’t trying to be difficult.

He wasn’t trying to disrespect me.

He simply loved his granddaughter and wanted to make her happy.

Most grandparents do.

That’s why this line can be so difficult to navigate.

A United Front

As grandparents, we want to give them the things we couldn’t always afford to give our own children.

We want to buy the toys.

We want to sneak the extra cookie.

We want to stay up a little later.

We want to be the safe place where childhood feels magical.

There is nothing wrong with that.

In fact, some of my children’s favorite memories involve grandparents who made them feel special.

But the best grandparents understand something important:

The goal isn’t to replace the parents.

The goal is to support them.

Parents carry the responsibility.

Grandparents have the privilege.

Those are two very different roles.

When we ignore the rules set by parents, even with good intentions, we’re not really spoiling the grandchildren.

We’re undermining the people responsible for raising them.

Children need consistency.

They need boundaries.

They need to know that the adults in their lives respect one another.

And perhaps the greatest gift a grandparent can give is demonstrating that respect.

BUT…..

Does that mean grandchildren should never get extra ice cream?

Absolutely not.

Should Neni buy the toy that makes the parents roll their eyes or let them stay up for one more story?

Probably.

Should Pop Pop occasionally let them stay up a little longer to play one more game of Hide & Seekor have one more mint?

Without question.

Childhood needs a little magic.

What It All Boils Down Too Is

Perhaps the best way to spoil our grandchildren isn’t with things at all.

Maybe it’s with our time.

Our stories.

Our patience.

Our attention.

The cookies will be forgotten.

The toys will break.

The candy will disappear.

But the memory of sitting on Neni’s porch, baking cookies together, fishing with Pop Pop, listening to family stories, or feeling completely loved and accepted—that lasts forever.

So spoil them.

Love them.

Make memories with them.

Be the fun grandparent.

Just maybe stop feeding them shrimp when their parents tell you to stop.

Trust me on that one.